Vulnerably Broken- Fragile Clay

Vulnerably Broken- Fragile Clay

I love my profession. I thank the Lord every day he directed me to be a nurse. There are hard days. There are amazing days. Days where I just want to go home, and days that drive me even more as a nurse. Today was one of those days. 

It was mid day and time to see my last patient before lunch time. I was starving. I was exhausted. However, before I entered that patients door my heart broke in two. Vulnerably broken. The Lord knew it was my time to make a difference. 

I knocked on the door and was shortly and frantically welcomed by a sweet middle aged woman and her little dog. She was all over the place. The first thing she said was, "I am so sorry. It took me so long to answer the door. I have been trying to get everything ready before I leave and….." 

She pulled out a chair for me at the table, and was still frantically running around. Minutes later she sat down and immediately started apologizing again. I calmly looked at her and said, "Its really okay. How are you feeling?" 

The stories starting flowing from her mind and she immediately starting busting into tears. I just sat there and listened. 

It is the day after mothers day. She lost her mom two years ago. She was infertile. Single. Motherless. Alone. Broken.

Flowers sat on the table that she couldn't put on her moms grave because of the rain… because she didn't have a support system. Stuck at home, ill and depressed. Her skin was covered in lesions that was out of her control. There was emotional damage and physical damage. 

I listened to her heart. I listened to her tears. I gave her all of my time. 

"Its okay to be hurting right now. You lost your mother. Yesterday was Mothers Day. You are at home and don't feel very good. You have every right to be upset right now. It is okay to cry. It is okay to hurt right now". 

She looked at me in shock. Like she had been waiting for someone to tell her that all these years. I covered her body with medication and wrapped every limb and patch of skin with saran wrap. Red, large lesions that left this lady feeling visibly scarred. 

The stories continued… People ran away from her in public. Mothers wouldn't let their children near her. Men had no interest. But she was beautiful. 

The Lord broke my heart in that moment and reminded me of this verse..

2 Corinthians 4:7-18

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Jars of clay are fragile, empty, and easily broken. All creation was formed by the Makers hands. Every one of us significant, fragile, and easily broken. He formed us knowing we would be easily broken. Easily shattered so that our hearts will be vulnerable to HIM and allow his glory to come in and redesign us. 

The Lord takes our broken, empty, fragile clay and redesigns us. 

Society may see the lesions that overtake this woman's body, but the Lord sees a renewal. 
She feels fragmented, isolated, and wretched but the Lord is filling her jar with treasures. 

She had no idea, but her vulnerable brokenness reminded me of the Lord and the reason for different seasons in our lives. Let yourself be broken.

So take heart friends, it may seem impossible right now but the Lord is manifesting his life in you, allowing you room to grow, and allowing his glory in our broken world.. In our broken bodies. 

Growing with you,

Heather